Jesus Wept.

This week I learned that sadness used to be a synonym for sobriety, I was so fascinated by it. Below is my collection of thoughts regarding this finding. 

sad·ness

/’sadn?s/

noun

If you were asked to define the word sadness I’m sure you would say something like this… a feeling of emptiness or darkness, brought on by heartbreak, grief, or just the mundane routine of everyday life. When the word sadness is traced back to its root it is actually translated as fullness. An emotion that is so overwhelming, it can take absolute control. Suffocating your body with suffering. Those who are sad are too sober for this drunken world. In the Greek language, sadness meant sobriety. Filled with souls who drank so they didn’t feel this aching anymore, this fullness slipping away with every shot you take. As if substances can melt away every emotion, they end up replacing that emptiness with addiction. Draining your body until you are left temporarily happy. When the pills don’t cut it anymore we start using people as bandaids. Finding our identity in the company of another soul. 

How empty to be so full of someone else. 

Addiction and sadness go hand in hand, but not in the way you might assume. Sadness itself can become an addiction. One of the most fascinating things about humans is their susceptibility to become dependent on their own emotions (negative or positive), so much that you cannot survive without them. The only way to fight this disease is by realizing that there is beauty in the way a heart can break so many times after the pieces are mended just to be unraveled again, a thread of sad smiles with the ability to find meaning in a lost soul. Embracing sorrow frees the hopeless. Feeling something so intensely can make you aware of the depth of one’s soul. 

I have always been a happy child. I experienced a great deal of loss beginning when I lost the first of four loved ones in 5 years as a young girl. I ran to my room, shut my door, and wrote. Through all the grief I was still joyful, still peaceful. Not happy, because happiness is dependent on happy circumstances, but I was joyful because I found peace in the safety of God’s love. I was sad while still being high on life. I think this is because I realized early that grief is good. Even my Savior grieved. 

“Jesus Wept.”

-John 11:35 

This sorrow isn’t bad.

This sorrow is beautiful.

It gives us an appreciation for the constant routine and adventure. There is something about understanding the beautiful reality of true sorrow that produces unmeasurable contentment. Living in a constant state of euphoric lassitude. This sadness gives God’s grace all the glory, and the inevitable pain humans face shows us why we need a Savior. We get sad because we need saving, and we need saving because we clearly cannot save ourselves. 

I am entering a time in my life where I am having to say goodbye to my entire life. My family, my friends, my dreams of being on stage, my high school, my church, my piano, my guitar, my clothes, my room, every little thing that gives me comfort and consistency. It feels like I am ending a book in the middle of a chapter, but I have to remind myself that God is still writing my story. I have to find peace in my goodbyes, or I won’t be able to fully say hello to my next chapter. I am both scared and excited about my journey to come, but I am also sorrowful. We are called to live like Jesus. Jesus weeps so when we weep about the sadness of this sinful world it is our healthy craving for an eternity in which there are no goodbyes. Goodbyes are hard. But they make the hellos and I miss yous even better.